Still on the Wagon

My husband let me have my debit card alone for a little bit last night.

I hesitate to post something like that, because my inner women’s libber want’s to be like “let me?  LET me?  Oh no you DIDN’T!!!”

So I just want to put it out there that this is an agreement we made together that I’m relinquishing control of the debit card for a little while.  Just until I create a pattern of success as far as breaking my drive thru habit.

So, last night I needed the debit card to go make an ATM deposit, and my son and I drove to the bank and got that done. I passed a Sonic, an Arby’s, a Wendy’s, a McDonald’s, and a Jack in the Box.  Passed, I tell you. 

So, that felt good.  A little willpower in action.

Incidentally, not to go into Everything I Eat Mode… but I’ve pretty much kept up the same kind of diet that I described on Wednesday for the remainder of the week.  “Weight Loss Shake” for breakfast.  Carrots and yogurt as snacks, salad and/or frozen dinner for lunch, and a sensible dinner at home.

Which brings me to my love/hate relationship with Slim-Fast shakes (mine are off brand, but the same concept).  Does the phrase “and a sensible dinner” flash back to Slim-Fast for anyone else but me?  I get visions of Tomma Lasorda, or the Slim Fast can with a belt on.

The love part.  I think they taste good.  Or at least good enough.  I’m not, like, choking it down.  They’re super easy for a non-morning person such as myself who refuses to take time to eat breakfast at a table or at my desk.  I drink the shake in the car, and I’m good.

I hate the name.  I feel like I’m a fad-dieter when I’m drinking a “Slim Fast” or a “Weight Loss Shake”.  It’s like I’m buying into a get-rich-quick scheme.

I hate buying them.  I feel like I’m being judged by the cashier or the people behind me in line.  “Slim Fast?  Yeah, good luck with that, lady.”

Why am I so weird about this?  Am I being crazy?

What other no-prep breakfast options are out there with the convenience of a Slim Fast?  Anyone?

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Getting Easier…

Not much too report today, honestly.

The whole thing is getting easier – I’m slipping back into my old Weight Watchers ways from three years ago.

I forgot how much you EAT when you’re on a diet.

Today:

House brand Slim Fast for breakfast

Bag of baby carrots when I got to work

Smart Ones frozen dinner for lunch.  I forget the exact name but I know it was a Vodka Cream Sauce in there somewhere.  You had me at Vodka.

Strawberry yogurt cup for an afternoon snack

Leftover meatloaf for dinner with a glass of milk

Lots and lots of ice water throughout the day

Drove back and forth to work without really having to think twice about stopping for fast food.  Now, this was partially aided by the fact that I was on the phone for much of my drive home, but still.

A victory is still a victory.

High Energy

My husband, as I was on the way out the door to work this morning: “I would tell you to have a good day, but it looks like you’re already having one.”

This was said of course, not long after I woke him up by jumping on the bed and saying “you’re not sleeping you’re not sleeping you’re not sleeping you’re not sleeping” until he opened his eyes.

So, I think it’s safe to say my energy level has increased.

Also, it’s possible that I’m four years old.

I’m Starting to Get Used to This

Four days in, and feeling good.

Still no fast food.  Had a little peanut butter on toast for breakfast.

I know right?  Look at me, having breakfast!

Lunch was a deliciously processed frozen dinner of some kind of chicken pasta with a basil cream situation happening.  I dug it.

Lots of ice water at the office again.  Only took a single serve bag of Annie’s Chocolate Chip Bunny Graham things.  120 calories, not too shabby.

Dinner was meatloaf and a glass of milk.

So, I type this and I realize I’m a little low on the vegetable content, but still, this is so much better than my old meal routine.

Which was, for the record…

sausage egg mcmuffin, hash browns and a diet coke for breakfast

skip lunch, binge on sweet and salty almond bars at work

on the way home grab a quarter pounder with no pickles or onions (wouldn’t want to accidentally eat a veggie there)

don’t forget the large fries and another diet coke

go ahead and eat normal dinner anyway at home so the husband doesn’t catch on to the secret eating

Yeah.  I think I’ll take my meatloaf and milk and call that a victory.

Anyway, that whole list up there reminds me of this Tenacious D classic.  Forgive the vulgar language, but it’s Jack Black, people.

Taking Deep Breaths

My office mate is a nice lady.

This is my third full week working here.  (Summer job.  Teacher August-June, Tech Support June-August.)

The first week I liked her.

The second week I got annoyed that she chastised me for skipping lunch every day.

“You need to eat, you’re just slowing down your metabolism, and that makes it harder to lose weight.”

Umm… I didn’t say I was trying to lose weight… so… thanks.

Anyway, now that I am trying to lose weight I brought my lunch today like a good little girl.  A frozen dinner – house brand Lean Cuisine, basically.

“I used to eat a lot of that processed stuff but now I make my own from scratch.  So much healthier and better for your body.”

Yeah, yeah, yeah.  Stop one-upping me, lady.  I’m just trying NOT to run screaming for a Baconator right now.  Shut up and drink your home made protein bullshit.  Organic, grass fed, bull shit.

Have I mentioned I get a little mean when I’m hungry?

The first Rock Bottom

In December of 2009 the stars aligned.

One: I realized I was getting winded just walking up the stairs to our second floor apartment.

Two: I had a pregnancy scare.  My main thoughts during those two or three days of uncertainty were not “can we afford a baby?” or “are we ready for a baby?”

More like “OK, if there’s a human attempting to grow inside me, have I given it anything of actual nutritional value yet?  When was the last time I had a vegetable?”

And that was rock bottom.  I was 204 pounds.

Once I confirmed that I was not pregnant, I went to a Weight Watchers meeting that night. December 27, 2009.

I remember my mother commenting that I must be serious if I’m not waiting until New Year’s Day like the rest of humanity.

I lost 40 pounds in 2010.

Image

That picture was taken in July 2010 at about 170 pounds.  I lost a few more pounds after that, but that’s still my favorite “skinny” picture.  I just look so danged happy.

By the end of 2010 I was pregnant for real.  My weight at delivery in August 2011 was 210.  For the last two years I’ve tried to find that motivation again.

I guess it’s possible that somewhere in the back of my mind, this could be another pre-pregnancy health kick.  But I kind of hope not.

Not that I don’t want another child.  I do.  Eventually.  Maybe even more than one more.

But this time, I want to be doing this for me first.  I know it will benefit my family as well, but I want to be able to do this for ME.  For MY health.

Because I’M important.